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inber:

Writing period dramas in the discord, lads

(via mfingenius)

dorthyanndrarry:

tags: drarry, bickering, hijinks, auror Harry, ministry employee Draco, Harry is oblivious, Draco is an unrepentant flirt, Asbestos is a little shit, and there’s disillusionment, and oh my god they are both so so dumb

suggested rating: T+

Part 1 (contains links to all parts) <– Part 39 ||

-

They walked through the manor, down identical lavish hallways and past dark wood doors that all looked the same.  The portraits were technically different, but all the sneering blond faces looked unsettlingly similar. Harry was pretty sure he had had nightmares like this.

“What are you planning?” Harry asked.

“Hmm?” Draco said.

“You must be planning something.”

“I’m not,” Draco said, “You can’t plan with my father. He understands planning and scheming, he’s a Slytherin to the core. Now impulsive stupidity, that almost always works.” He glanced over his shoulder at Harry, putting his hand over his heart, “I just pretend I’m you.”

Harry rolled his eyes, “I’m pretty sure you don’t need me as an excuse, you can do impulsive and stupid all on your own.”

Draco shot a glare over his shoulder and almost ran into a door, only saved by Harry grabbing the back of his jacket.

“Hey-!” Draco protested, then looked back, his nose nearly brushing the carved woodwork. He startled back with an ‘eep’ that Harry’s was sure he would have been embarrassed about if he hadn’t fallen back right into Harry’s arms.

Harry had to fight to keep his balance, holding onto Draco tightly and stumbling back with him. They stood very still for a moment, both breathing a little too fast and not just from the shock.

Harry thought- well, thinking wasn’t actually involved, as his hands curled into the fabric of Draco’s jacket, squeezing him tighter. Draco’s breathing hitched-

“Excuse me, sirs.”

They jumped apart, startled all over again.

“The table is prepared,” The butler house-elf had opened the doors in front of them and was staring at them, their expression completely unreadable as they gave a short bow and disappeared.

“fuck,” Harry said under his breath. “Are all your house-elves bastards?”

“No,” Draco said, taking a deep breath and nervously straightening his sleeves, “Not at all. Asbestos is one of a kind. That was Butler. He, as you might imagine, wants to be the perfect butler, in so far as he knows about them from those cheap muggle mystery novels he reads.”

“Your butler is named Butler,” Harry said.

“He picked it himself,” Draco said, “All house-elves pick their own names and change them whenever they like.”

“Isn’t that confusing?” Harry asked.

“Not to them, and I’m entirely certain they don’t care what we think on the matter,” Draco said. He hesitated and then said more slowly, carefully, “Before house-eves are freed, there isn’t a lot that they can change or choose for themselves, so those things that they can are very important to them. It’s a bit… cultural, I suppose.”

Draco and Asbestos must be better friends than Harry had thought. He had known Draco liked and respected Asbestos; otherwise, he wouldn’t let her insult him. Harry had never been quite sure if she liked him back. But since she must have told Draco all this information about house-elves, she must like him, at least a bit.

“So uh… you aren’t worried that ‘the butler did it’?” Harry asked.

“What?” Draco asked.

“It’s a cliché in those muggle mystery books, that the butler did it,” Harry said.

Draco continued to stare at him blankly.

“Like in a story with a butler, usually the butler is one of the suspects for who committed the crime,” Harry said, “I don’t know how often the butler is actually guilty, but it must have been enough for it to become a cliché.”

“A human butler might, but a house-elf-”

“A free house-elf?” Harry asked.

Draco froze, “…You think I ought to be worried?”

“I don’t know. Does Butler want to kill you?” Harry asked.

Draco thought, too long for the answer to be an easy ‘of course not’, before saying, “Probably not as much as he would want to kill my father.”

“Then you should be fine. Unless Lucius disappears, in which case you might want to leave the country,” Harry said, “I imagine if a free house-elf wants someone gone, they’d never find the body.”

Draco glared at him, “What a comforting thought,” he said sarcastically.

Harry shrugged and stepped around Draco into the dining room.

It was a massive room, elaborate tapestries and sconces that looked like they were gilded in gold, lined the walls. Across the room, there was a fireplace big enough to cook an ox in, the mantle and moulding made of white marble inlaid with gold filigree. Filling the centre of the room was a long, long table made of wood so dark it was almost black, and at the very end were four tiny little place settings.

Harry looked over at Draco and raised an eyebrow.

“It’s utterly ridiculous,” Draco said with a grin of amusement.

Harry snorted, “Yeah. I mean, why?”

“You’re an important guest. Mother wouldn’t want to insult you with anything less than the best,” Draco said.

“Does she know like, anything about me?”

“Obviously not,” Draco said.

Harry laughed.

“Knowing you, you’d be happiest eating the kitchen with the elves,” Draco said, trying to sound disdainful and missing the mark.

“True,” Harry said, “But then I wouldn’t get to have this lovely meal with your,” he paused meaningfully, “delightful family.”

Draco laughed and bumped his shoulder, “Come on. I’ll show you how you’re supposed to use the silverware so than we can both do it wrong.”

“Both?” Harry said.

“One of life’s little delights,” Draco said.

“No wonder your mum is so frazzled,” Harry said, following Draco to the end of the table and gratefully taking the seat neatest him and furthest from the table head where Lucius probably sat.

Draco did indeed walk Harry through the silverware, which quite boringly worked out to just using the ones on the outside and working your way in. Then told Harry about the time he spent twenty minutes trying to eat soup with a fish fork until both his parents had lost their tempers and sent him to his rooms like he was five.

“Next time you ought to just pick up the bowl and drink the soup,” Harry suggested, shuffling his silverware around randomly until he no longer remembered what anything was for, except the soup spoon which was soup shaped.

“I never thought of that!” Draco said excitedly, “Why, I might eat an entire meal without any silverware what-so-ever, with my fingers,” Draco said excited and 

“Wouldn’t that be too messy for you?” Harry asked.

Draco sniffed, “I’m willing to make sacrifices for a worthy cause.”

“Worthy indeed,” Harry said with pho-solemnity.

“I apologise for our lateness,” Narcissa said as she entered. She had changed into an entirely new robe, this one had lavish golden embroidery along the hem as if to match the room.

“Oh, was Father having a tantrum?” Draco asked, his voice as casual as if he were asking after the weather.

“No. We were simply discussing some things and lost track of time,” Narcissa said coolly, shooting Draco a behave look.

Which Draco promptly ignored, leaning over Harry’s shoulder to loudly whisper, “He was having a tantrum.”

“Draco,” Narcissa hissed, just as Lucius came in behind her.

Lucius was dressed in black robes that hung loosely off his shoulders like he was a bony coat hanger. He ignored his wife, walking around her, and Draco; and Harry might as well have not been there. As he took his seat at the end of the table, Harry saw that Lucius’ blond hair had gone mostly white and wrinkles now lined his face making him look a good decade older than he was.

Narcissa hurried after him and took her seat next to Lucius, across from Draco.

As soon as they were all seated the first course appeared in front of them. It was a tiny bite of food on a tiny plate.

Harry glanced over at Draco.

“The starter,” Draco explained, “A hors d’oerve.”

Harry looked at the plate again, still unimpressed.

“It’s meant to whet the appetite. I imagine Mother ordered us a full seven courses,” Draco said.

Narcissa cleared her throat, trying to suggest that Draco should shut up.

“Because you’re so important,” Draco went on.

Harry couldn’t help grinning. He was rather glad Draco was joking around. There was nothing Harry hated more than aching silent, overly formal meals where everyone was being fancy and pretentious.

Harry used a random spoon to scoop up the small bite and put it in his mouth. It was good, not Molly Weasley good, but it was alright.

Narcissa was frowning. Lucius ate the bite in three smaller bites, with an expression like he was chewing through carpet.

Narcissa rang a tiny silver bell at her elbow when all their plates were clean, and the plate was replaced with a bowl of bright orange… soup? With a blob of white in it.

Harry poked it suspiciously with his spoon.

“It’s mostly carrots,” Draco said. He nodded to the blob, “That’s cream, it makes it actually taste good.”

“Our house elf’s food is impeccable,” Narcissa said.

“Chefs,” Draco corrected, “They’re our chefs. You can call them house-elf chefs if you prefer, but it’s a bit of a mouthful.”

Narcissa’s mouth tightened into a thin line, “Our chefs. Of course.”

Harry used the same spoon as he did last time which seemed to cause Narcissa a special kind of pain. Or it could have been seeing Draco attempt to use the tiny sorbet spoon to ferry very small amounts of soup to his mouth. She rang the bell before he even managed half of it.

The next course was a long narrow strip of fish, which was actually really good but there wasn’t nearly enough of it to really satisfy him. A steak was served next, also a bit small, but at least enough to be something like a meal. It had a few potatoes, green beans and carrots along the side.

“The main dish,” Draco said.

“I could have guessed that one,” Harry said wryly.

“I wouldn’t want our important guest to strain himself,” Draco said.

“Oh yes,” Harry said sarcastically, “Thinking is so hard, after all.”

“You do it so rarely,” Draco grinned.

Harry rolled his eyes, “You would know, you use you head even less.”

The larger size of the entrée had a downside though, in that, with nothing other to do but eat, the room became very, very quiet. The sound of their silverware faintly clinking on the plates seemed to echo about like they were in the bottom of a ravine.

Draco set his fork down and leaned close to Harry. His voice had all the characteristics of a whisper except the quiet part, “You see, what my father is doing is known as the silent treatment.”

“Or we’re just having a nice meal,” Narcissa said without looking up from the carrot she was carefully spearing with her fork.

Draco went on, blithely ignoring her, “This was always his favourite form of punishment when I was young because it sent me into absolute hysterics to be ignored.”

“That’s not very surprising,” Harry said.

“I do have a fondness for being in the centre of things,” Draco embracing the jibe as a compliment. “Once I started school, I tried using the silent treatment myself, but the thing is it really only worked the first year or two. Because it’s a stupid childish thing to do.”

Harry glanced over to see Lucius’ face twitch.

“I mean, really,” Draco said, a cruel tone latching onto his words, “only children use something like the silent treatment and expect it to be anything other than a joke. Certainly not grown men-”

There was a thump, and the table rattled as Lucius brought his fist down on the heavy wood. He shot an absolutely fuming glare at the space above his plate, refusing to even look at Draco.

Draco waited for a second then continued to fill the silence, “Yes? Do you want to say something? Would you like to even greet our illustrious guest? He is Harry Potter, after all.”

“Draco, that’s enough,” Narcissa said, “Let’s just have a nice meal and-”

“Greet the man- the little wretch that ruined everything for our family-” Lucius hissed.

Draco laughed coldly, “Him? You ruined it all by yourself, Father. We would have come out of the war better if we had spent the whole thing sitting in a ditch covered in our own shit.”

“You will not talk about me that way,” Lucius said, finally looking at Draco, his eyes cold and bloodshot.

“I’ll talk about you however I like-”

“I should have never allowed you to be the master of the house-”

“No, you shouldn’t have, rather stupid of you,” Draco said.

“Draco, please-” Narcissa tried again.

“Now you foolishly bring an auror into our home, that auror of all people,” Lucius spit.

“Why?” Draco said with innocent mocking, “We have nothing to worry about, do we? Good upstanding citizens, the Malfoy’s, paragons of society-”

“Shut up! Shut up!” Lucius snapped, standing up so suddenly his chair fell over behind him in a clatter, “Are you really so stupid!? Do you really think he is here because, what- because he likes you?” he barked a laugh.

Draco went still.

And Harry felt his jaw tighten, his teeth grinding together.

“Don’t be a fool.” Lucius hit the table again, “This is obviously a trap. A plan to lure you into incriminating us and…”

Draco’s entire body was tensed with fury and- and it wasn’t what Draco had wanted, even though Harry suspected that it was what he expected, even pushed to happen. Harry couldn’t help thinking that Draco still despised being ignored more than anything, that even hate was better than indifference to him.

Harry blinked. Was that what it had been? The whole time during school-?

Draco had stood up as well, his face going a blotchy red as he yelled back at Lucius. Narcissa had given up trying to stop them, sitting back in her chair and massaging her temples.

Harry had the very Draco feeling that all this was stupid and boring and generally not fun.

He went very still as a stray idea occurred to him. It was completely mad and would require a rather big lie. But it would be fun.

He stood up and caught Draco’s hand mid-wave. Draco words died in his throat and he looked over at Harry in surprise. Harry gave him a faint smile that he hoped said I got this.

Harry laced their hands together, “Mr Malfoy?”

Lucius stopped and stared at their hands. The silence made Narcissa look up and she also stared at their hands.

“The truth is, I asked Draco to bring me here because,” Harry took a deep breath. He hoped his nerves made this more believable, “I felt it was important to meet the parents of my fiancée. I just… I didn’t want to hide us any more.”

Draco blinked.

Harry squeezed Draco’s hand and twitched an eyebrow up.

“I- I, yes,” Draco said hoarsely and cleared his throat, “I was just afraid something like this would happen-”

“I understand, I really do, I just couldn’t leave it like this, pretending we aren’t together, only meeting secretly-”

Draco’s ears were turning red, but Harry could see the faint smirk in the corner of his mouth as he began playing along in earnest, “I know, my darling.”

“I wanted your parents at least to know,” Harry said.

Lucius’s mouth opened but no sound came out.

“Draco, the longest you could have possibly even been talking with Mr Potter has been a week,” Narcissa said, not buying it for a second.

“It was Trev,” Harry improvised, “He had brought Draco a muggle bar where I was hanging out with my friends, and we started talking-”

“Teasing,” Draco corrected.

“Bantering,” Harry said.

Draco raised an eyebrow, “Flirting?”

“I think it took at least a few days to get to flirting,” Harry said.

Lucius’s mouth moved soundlessly as what little colour he had drained out of his face.

“I’m glad we came. I can’t believe your father thinks I would- I would- I could never-,” Harry said, probably a bit too breathlessly.

Draco clasped both his hands around Harry’s, “I know. I know you. You wouldn’t hurt me.” He had to bite down on his lip, probably to keep from laughing but it almost looked like he was teary.

“Is there any way we could get your blessing? I know it’s old fashioned, but I want to do this right,” Harry asked Lucius and Narcissa.

“Yes!” Draco bit down on his lip harder, fighting a stupid smile, “Oh yes, please, Father. Won’t you give us your blessing?”

“If you’re engaged, where are the rings?” Narcissa asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Harry laughed nervously and then tried to bluff the laugh into, “I- I know better than to pick them out myself. I have no taste compared to Draco.”

“We’re going to have them custom made, of course,” Draco said. He looked at Lucius again, who seemed to be shaking faintly, “Father? Will you give us your blessing?”

Lucius turned, nearly tripping over his overturned chair, and stiffly, almost frantically walked out of the room without a word.

They all seemed to hold their breath until they couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore.

“Holy fucking shit,” Draco said under his breath, a huge smile taking over his face.

Harry grinned.

Narcissa sighed and got up, “I’m going to go keep Lucius from doing anything…rash.” She stopped next to Harry, going up on her toes to brush a kiss across his cheek, “I do so love a summer wedding.”

“I- We- Just joking,” Harry sputtered.

He saw a faint, but very familiar, smirky smile briefly grace Narcissa’s face. “I know this is a lost cause, but if you two could try to keep out of trouble, I would be eternally grateful.”

She patted Harry on the arm and left before either of them could reply.

-

💜 Next update will be tuesday pst 💜 I got a bit carried away with this one but I had to give you the whole dinner, it wouldn’t be fun otherwise :)

Tags below v (I don’t have a permanent tags list. All tags are of the wonderful people who left messages on the previous 2 parts.)

Keep reading

evitoxytrash:

Narcissa: How was school today, Draco?

Draco: Horrible!

Narcissa: Why? Did Harry ignore you again?

Draco: Worse!

Draco: I got turned into a FERRET

Narcissa: wtf

I snorted

(via )

jessiflorus:

also, fun fact: being nice to someone you hate does NOT make you two faced

it makes you a mature adult who knows when to pick their battles and when to just let it go and tolerate someone for their shitty personality. 

if you think otherwise grow up

joycehcpper:

men’s domestic helplessness is not cute or charming pls raise your sons to know how to cook a vegetable and wash their dirty socks i’m begging 

I find it so mind boggling that some people don’t know how to cook even basic things. You need food to live!! You must be able to feed yourself!